if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
