yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
this hospital has no fireball
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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