I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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