He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
