maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize