sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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