once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
