Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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