What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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