Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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