so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
