How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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