I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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