Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
