U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I die, sorry about rent.
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