I want to make a zoo with you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
