I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
