One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
ok first of all what the fuck
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
