She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When are your genitals available?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
