Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
