Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
