You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
