just tell him i said nine months
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
