You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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