There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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