i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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