I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
