sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
