i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
