My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
worst night to have a conscience
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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