I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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