how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
