apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just found puke in my bra..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
