I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
