I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
