your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
