just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
