8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
