just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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