oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
