He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
