My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
