I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
