If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
