I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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