I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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