bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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