And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
