Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
