Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
