I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
