So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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