I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
