I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
