Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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