Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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