the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Where did you get a picture of my penis
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
