I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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