i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Never joke about your clitoris.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
