Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
