1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
