You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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