If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
