I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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