I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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