Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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