my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
These tits shall not be calmed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
