i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
