So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
