i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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