stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
