Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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