I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
