just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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