the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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