do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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