So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize