garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My friends, they love my intelligence
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
