Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize