it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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