the day after is always just damage control
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
