I think my vagina is haunted
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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