1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
