I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think i got beer on your cat.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
