left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize