I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
