drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
