There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
