im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
