I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
