Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
