He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
