we have pet lesbian snakes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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