If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
