Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize