Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize