Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
