if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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