I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
