Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
