Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Found your dick twin last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
