Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
