He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
