Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
