Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
