Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
