Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
