She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
