just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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