i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
