Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
