trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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